Dad's Secret Weapon: The Art of Saying No

Fresh and Intersting Ways to Say No To Your Kids Every Monday Wednesday and Friday

October 11, 2024

Good morning,

This newsletter is all about turning the everyday dad duty of saying "no" into an art form — and having some laughs along the way! In future issues, we’ll dive into all sorts of fun and creative ways to say no, whether you’re dealing with endless snack requests, screen time negotiations, or random kid ideas that make you scratch your head.

Now to set the tone:

Good morning! This newsletter is your backstage pass to mastering the fine art of saying "no" like a pro dad, with plenty of humor along the way. In the issues to come, we’ll explore creative and laugh-worthy ways to handle those endless snack demands, screen time debates, and outlandish kid requests. Whether you're keeping a straight face or adding a musical twist, there's no shortage of ways to turn a simple "no" into a legendary moment.


Let’s get started!


FUNNY WAYS TO SAY NO

"I’ve used up all my yeses for today."

"I’d love to... wait, no I wouldn’t."

"Not even for a million bucks."

"I’m out of service—please try again later."

"Can’t. I’m washing my hair... for a week."

"Ask me again tomorrow, I’ll still say no."


MORE PLAYFUL SONG/WORD-BASED WAYS USING 'NO'

"We will, we will... NO YOU!" (Tune: "We Will Rock You" by Queen)

"Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, no!" (Tune: "Hey Jude" by The Beatles)

"All you need is... no, no, no!" (Tune: "All You Need Is Love" by The Beatles)

"I’m saying no, I’m saying no, I’m saying N-O!" (Tune: "I'm A Little Teapot")

"No is the answer, my friend, no is blowin' in the wind." (Tune: "Blowin' in the Wind" by Bob Dylan)

"Can’t say yes to this, I say no!" (Tune: "Can’t Touch This" by MC Hammer)

MORE SARCASTIC WAYS TO SAY NO

"How about never? Does never work for you?"

"Sure, right after I win the lottery."

"Yeah, and water isn’t wet."

"Sure, just let me teleport there."

"Right after I finish curing world hunger."

"Oh yeah, because that sounds like so much fun."


HOW WOULD (or did) THE WIFE REPLY TO THESE?!

"I’ve used up all my yeses for today."
Wife's Reply: "Good thing I’m asking for tomorrow’s yes. I’ll wait."

"I’d love to... wait, no I wouldn’t."
Wife's Reply: "Oh, don’t worry. That brief moment of hope was everything I needed."

"Not even for a million bucks."
Wife's Reply: "How about for free, since you’re not getting paid to be difficult?"

"I’m out of service—please try again later."
Wife's Reply: "Funny, your ‘No’ signal is always at full bars."

"Can’t. I’m washing my hair... for a week."
Wife's Reply: "Perfect! I’ll pencil you in for next Monday then."

"Ask me again tomorrow, I’ll still say no."
Wife's Reply: "Great! I’m persistent. I’ll try the day after too."

"How about never? Does never work for you?"
Wife's Reply: "Never? That’s optimistic. I was thinking sooner."

"Sure, right after I win the lottery."
Wife's Reply: "Well, since we don’t gamble, looks like you’re doing it today!"

"Yeah, and water isn’t wet."
Wife's Reply: "Just like your jokes aren’t funny, yet here we are."

"Sure, just let me teleport there."
Wife's Reply: "Funny! And I’ll just teleport my patience out the window."

"Right after I finish curing world hunger."
Wife's Reply: "Wow, overachiever! How about we start small and handle this chore first?"

"Oh yeah, because that sounds like so much fun."
Wife's Reply: "Fun for you, maybe. I’m already having a blast over here managing things."

"We will, we will... NO YOU!" (Tune: "We Will Rock You" by Queen)
Wife's Reply: "Cute! But I will, I will... WIN this!"

"Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, no!" (Tune: "Hey Jude" by The Beatles)
Wife's Reply: "Sing all you want. Still happening."

"All you need is... no, no, no!" (Tune: "All You Need Is Love" by The Beatles)
Wife's Reply: "Well, all I need is a ‘yes’—and I’m not above bribing for it."

"I’m saying no, I’m saying no, I’m saying N-O!" (Tune: "I'm A Little Teapot")
Wife's Reply: "Nice try, but I’m flipping that tune into ‘I’m a little annoyed.'"

"No is the answer, my friend, no is blowin' in the wind." (Tune: "Blowin' in the Wind" by Bob Dylan)
Wife's Reply: "The answer, my dear, is you still have to do it."

"Can’t say yes to this, I say no!" (Tune: "Can’t Touch This" by MC Hammer)
 Wife's Reply: "Too legit... to quit! Now let’s get to work."


WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE WAY TO SAY NO?

We want to hear from you!

Do you have a funny way that you have told your kids (or 🫣 your wife 🫣) the word “No”? Reply and let us know! We’ll add it to a future newsletter!

We Also Want To Hear Your Stories!

Have you said no recently in a funny way? Let us know how you said “No” and we’ll feature the best ones in our upcoming issues!

We’ve only scratched the surface of the dad-powered "no" revolution. From witty comebacks to musical refusals, each newsletter will bring you new, laugh-out-loud ways to master the art of denial. Whether you’re channeling your inner rock star or delivering a perfectly-timed sarcastic remark, these moments of dad brilliance are sure to keep you entertained. And, of course, the hilarious wife responses will always be there to keep you on your toes. Stay tuned for more clever "no’s" and playful exchanges in the issues ahead!